apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
