you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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