you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
