You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
