You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
