I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
