A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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