2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
