There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
