Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
