I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
