He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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