How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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