Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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