i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
