I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
