i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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