walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
