There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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