Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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