I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
