she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
