I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
