I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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