someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize