ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
