You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
