I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
