he puts the penis in happiness.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
