apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
