got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
