Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
