I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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