So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
