Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
