So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
