dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
