hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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