You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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