Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
