You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
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