i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
