why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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