You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
