Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Randomize
