i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
