found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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