Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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