tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
