if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I wish I only lived at night.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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