I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
