loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
