I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
