Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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