We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
