It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm both gender and math confused
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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