I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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