I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
