fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
