I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
