Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I stole a fireplace last night.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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