Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
