Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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