One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
